I Knew Better

It was a foolish thing to do. I knew better. But I did it anyway.

I got home from work. Mason had decided to spend the night at his daddy’s house. I think he is realizing how much he will miss his daddy when Charlie moves to Florida. So how could I say no? And Taylor asked if she could spend the night with a girlfriend. School is out, so she deserves to have some fun. She’s worked hard. So, all of a sudden, I found myself alone.

I could have taken that opportunity to do all kinds of productive things. But I had written earlier that I was gonna take a drive, and so I decided to do just that. Took the top off the jeep and just went driving down these country roads around here. It’s a good escape, and I have always enjoyed escaping.

I couldn’t find a song on the radio that fit my mood. I’m sure you know how that is sometimes. So I turned the radio to his favorite station to see what new songs might be out that I haven’t heard. I knew better. I normally avoid his radio station. The man who broke my heart. It still hurts too much. I still think of him every day. Sure don’t need any reminders. But I guess I was just in that kind of mood.

You know what the first song was that I heard on his station? A song by Carrie Underwood, with the lyrics “I will see you again. This is not where it ends. I will carry you with me till I see you again.”

I turned the radio off after the song ended. But it was too late. The damage was done.

So I came on back home and turned on the tv. Figured a distraction would help. And you know what was on? The Lake House. I’ve seen the movie many times before. It always makes me cry. And it’s not even that good of a movie. Again, I knew better. And yet, there I sat. Unable to make myself change the channel.

Sometimes, it seems that maybe you just have to go ahead and have a good cry. Tonight was one of those nights.