Bad Mama

Hello. My name is Tammy, and I am a bad mother.

I realized the other day that I have had children at home for over thirty-one years now. That’s continuously – for over thirty-one years! All of my adult life! How have I not gotten better at being a mama? It’s something I have been every day for the last … what is it … oh yeah … thirty-one years! If nothing else, I should have at least improved with experience. Wouldn’t you think?

I was twenty when Joey was born. I didn’t really have a clue. I made a lot of mistakes. A lot of bad choices. I was young, and Joey and I kind of grew up together. When Joey was a toddler, he and I would go to the grocery store on Saturday mornings to buy groceries. I would sit him in the grocery cart and head straight to the Ms. Pacman game machine at the front of the store. I played Ms. Pacman, while Joey watched. Then we would hurry to get our groceries and get home without being gone too long. Our little secret.

Joey was fifteen when Taylor Belle was born. He had turned twenty and was living in Dallas by the time Mason was born.

So now I am an older mama, and I still don’t really have a clue. I am making a lot of mistakes. A lot of bad choices.

Throughout all my thirty-one years of being a mama, one thing has stayed the same. No mama has ever loved her children more than I love mine. My Joey, Taylor Belle and Mason. They are precious to me. They have made me laugh and made me cry. They have made me feel so proud. And so frustrated. They have helped me remember how to be fun and silly. I can’t imagine my life without them.